april will be a big month for us

As we drove across the country, the miles started to get to me.  The junk food and long drives made me feel nauseated and exhausted.  Once we arrived in Utah, we left the kids with Grandma Steele and unpacked for a couple days.  I still felt off--nauseated and tired.

I reluctantly decided to take a pregnancy test--I say reluctant because we had just barely decided to try having another baby and usually it takes several months for us.  I feel discouraged when I'm sure that I'm pregnant but then get a negative pregnancy test, so usually I try to wait until I'm absolutely positive before testing.  The symptoms were all there but I was in disbelief that we might already be pregnant.

I decided to test anyways early one morning--it was positive, but without the second little positive "test" circle to confirm test was correct.  Talk about feeling in limbo--a positive pregnancy test that might not really be positive--not sure how to feel about that.  So I threw on some sweats and a baseball cap and told Kirk I needed some things from the store (at 7:30 am? still, he suspected nothing) and picked up a few random items and more pregnancy tests.  I snuck into the bathroom as soon as I got home to do another test.

Also positive.

Really? Really.

After recovering from my shock, I found Kirk setting up Emma's crib.  How ironic that he was setting up the crib for our "baby" who would not be the baby for much longer now.  I told him he might need to set up two cribs and watched him pause...take that in...and face me with a what-are-you-really-trying-to-say expression. "We're pregnant." Much more to the point.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I just took the test."

Big hugs followed and we sat against the wall for several minutes, feeling a little caught off guard, overwhelmed, and grateful all at once.  How on earth would we take this on during grad school, and how on earth had it happened so soon?

Despite the shock, I felt the same feelings that had come earlier as we'd discussed having another baby.  I'd been initially hesitant, not wanting to take on too much with Kirk being so busy and knowing I'd be working part-time and involved in MBASA.  But after praying and fasting, I felt completely calm.  Whatever and whenever something happened, we'd take it in stride and everything would work out.  Part of me assumed we wouldn't become pregnant for several months, but if something did happen soon that would be okay.  That seemed like a slim chance though.

Now that it's a reality, I still feel very calm about having another baby. Even when the house is a mess and Dayton is jumping off the furniture and Emma is "expressing her opinion," I still feel like we'll just take it one day at a time and make the most of the situation.  

Long post, but I've got to record this as well.  We've had the initial ultrasound, baby is due April 8th. We had not said anything to Dayton about being pregnant, but I put the ultrasound pictures up on the fridge without thinking.  Of course, he noticed and asked, "What's in that picture?" So observant, that one.

I was surprised and answered his question with a question: "What do you think it is?"

He responded, "I don't know, what is it?" I took the picture off the fridge and sat next to him on the stairs.

Pointing to the picture I said, "This circle part is my belly. What do you think this part is?"

After a few moments he said, "A baby. You have another baby in your belly???" When I said yes, he yelled and laughed and said "We're having another baby!!" Genuine excitement and anticipation for another baby to join our family poured out of him for a few minutes.  He had mentioned multiple times that he wanted another baby, a brother, and then later clarified that he wants "...a lot, A LOT of brothers and sisters" with his arms stretched out wide to indicate at least 10 siblings, I'm sure.  Technically 3 is "a lot" right?  More than a couple, a few, several...we'll see.

His excitement was so sweet.  By this point he'd calmed down a bit--wish I would have captured his initial reaction.  He made sure his grandparents and other family members knew the good news and then told a few friends as well. Spread the joy, kid. Spread the joy.